I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
