your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize