Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"

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(917): View more from New York City

Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee

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(605): View more from South Dakota

there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.

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(970): View more from Colorado

We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

(303): View more from Colorado

Dude, its January.

(970): View more from Colorado

We're going to do the voices too.

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(206): View more from Washington

LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.

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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.

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(760): View more from California

Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.

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