i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
