I CAN MOONWALK!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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