covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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