What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
