Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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