he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
