i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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