the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
