The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
