just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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