erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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