Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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