I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
