I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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