my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
