Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
try to milk me bitch
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