Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize