I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My cat gives me a boner
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
