we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
