You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
