thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
