Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The best revenge is premature balding
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
