I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
