He kissed a someone with a penis
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
