I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
