can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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