my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
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