i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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