I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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