Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
