we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize