before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize