I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize