At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
