Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize