I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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