he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
