I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it's like iHOP with fire
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize