Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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