2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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