There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
