their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
