I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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