good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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