The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
