I wish I could teleport
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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