Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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