I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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