oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
