Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
