I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
