She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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