You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
