She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
