I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
