I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
