You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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