3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
