can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
