Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
