I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize