you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
