Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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