Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize