can we get nightvision for the apartment?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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