I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
