ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize