oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
