theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
