Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
